How mindfulness helped to reduce my anxiety

Since discovering mindfulness I haven’t looked back, it has helped me immensely. My anxiety has reduced and I feel like a far more resilient human being.

Jon Kabat-Zinn (the founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programme) describes mindfulness as…

“…paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally”

But what does that really mean and what does it entail?

Do you ever feel like you’re merely existing? Drifting through life like a zombie or in a state of mild panic most of the time with endless chatter in your head? Essentially missing the important, beautiful things in life with a look in your eyes that says you’re not really engaged, not fully present?

I have felt that way many times in my life. Feeling like a scrap of myself getting through the day with my amygdala (fight or flight part of the brain) on constant alert ready for attack.

Mindfulness helped me to wake up to the present – actually noticing and truly experiencing what is around me. It has brought me a sense of calm and resilience helping me to cope with stress better.

It is essentially guided meditation with some serious backing by neuroscience.  This is why I am so passionate about it – it is not too ‘fluffy’ or ‘out there’ as some may think! Harvard professors are singing its praises and proving that mindfulness can actually reshape the brain. After an 8 week MBSR course participants’ brains were scanned with key parts increasing in size such as the hippocampus (responsible for learning, memory and emotional regulation) and the temporo-parietal junction (responsible for empathy and compassion). The best bit is the amygdala (emotional regulator – the fight or flight stress response) actually decreased in gray matter. Take a look at Dr Sara Larson on You Tube to find out more.

Before you say to yourself this isn’t for me…

Mindfulness is already sweeping into modern society in many fields. It is on the radar of the NHS, recommended to help with anxiety, mild depression and other common mental health problems and it is coming into education, law, business, sport, politics, technology and government. Some businesses use a form of mindfulness to start their day – a five minute meditation to focus the mind on the company’s true ambition before getting caught up in day to day challenges.

Clearly I am a big advocate of mindfulness as it has changed my life in more ways than I imagined. My relationships are stronger, my parenting is calmer, my outlook on life is more positive, my smile is genuine. I will continue to spread the word about this wonderful healing technique in the hope that others will consider it in the future.

Finding calm in life's chaos

Last year I experienced profound loneliness. No-one knew about it. I hid it from everyone including my husband. I was a swan gliding along the water with a smile and my head held up but inside I was a mess. Nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for motherhood and all that comes with it. I spent days feeling like my life was hopeless, that I was hopeless – an over anxious mother, an over anxious wife, a half listening, half present friend. Because when you have a baby you become a fountain of giving. Always needed by someone, expected to have endless amounts of energy and stand up straight weathering any storm. I was in a storm that never seemed to stop. Even when I had the chance to breathe with a bath or a gym session I still felt like I was on the treadmill, I couldn’t let go because I felt I wasn’t allowed to. I would not allow myself to relax fully because someone somewhere always needed something from me. I was trying to nourish others without nourishing myself. I was convinced that everyone deep down thought I was under performing. In my head the whole world was judging me and my heart ached for love and acceptance. I think I suffered from post natal depression. I never admitted it to friends or family. as I thought it would seem weak. I would play with my son and make him laugh and rush around preparing nutritious meals and endless bottles for him all day without stopping for me. If I stopped it was to stare out of the window feeling completely alone and desperate for a hug or for someone to take my son so that I could just lie down and stop. I couldn’t admit that to anyone though, that would mean admitting defeat and in my head I thought what if they try to take my son away? My husband and I fought a lot. We were both exhausted and desperate for the other person to help more. A lot of the time it felt like we were servants to our master, our beautiful little boy (who is an absolute blessing). I went to ‘talking therapies’ (a free service on the NHS) and I was referred to a stress and anxiety course. It was a start. But the thing that really helped me was mindfulness. I was so stressed and anxious that I felt as if I was merely existing, fighting the storm in my head every day with my judgemental brain on loop, no idea how to just breathe and appreciate the here and now. Mindfulness is teaching me how to love myself and therefore how to love others fully. It is teaching me that I am important and worthy of love from friends and family. That thoughts are transient and that they aren’t me and they aren’t real. They pass through the mind like clouds and are not true reality. I therefore can accept myself better and by doing so I am learning to love others for who they are and not what I expect them to be (a key principle for success and inner peace by Dr Wayne Dyer). I am open to love and open to happiness and I have found peace in myself. Suddenly every day experiences are more pleasurable and my fountain of giving is overflowing. I urge anyone who feels alone to try mindfulness, you will learn to embrace the silence and find peace in your heart.

Parenting advice : be kind to yourself

No seriously, take a breath and be KIND to yourself. My friend bestowed this wisdom on me within the first month or two while I was sobbing on the phone to her. I reacted with a ‘yeah good point‘ response without truly listening to what she was saying. There was no time to be kind to myself. I existed to be a mother and that was it, there was no time for me. But this is where I was wrong. There is time if you really want it. There are lots of ways you can be kind to yourself whilst still dealing with the enormity of being a first time parent….

1. Take several deep breaths and stretch to relieve any built up tension.
2. Take a bath and read something non baby related for once – try to find something easy to read and allow yourself a moment to just stop worrying about your baby.
3. Say yes when family or friends offer to help – it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother for taking five minutes to sip your tea/go to the toilet/have a little cry.
4. Meditate – it can actually be energising as well as calming! Five minutes is better than nothing.
5. Go for a walk. The fresh air will help to revive you. Try to really notice what is around you – the birds in the sky, the breeze on your face etc.
6. Book a massage – get those aches and pains rubbed out of you as soon as possible. It makes such a difference as you won’t realise how tense you are post birth.
7. Book a haircut/eyebrow threading/anything that makes you feel a bit more like you.
8. Eat the cake – with all the lack of sleep you need something to keep you going on those long days and now is not the time to diet
9. Drink a smoothie when you can – balance out the bad with some good to fight germs (now is not the ideal time to get ill)
10. Sleep when the baby sleeps – this is key to survival.  Do not try to go the whole day sleep free because you want your life back – you will be up in the night without a doubt so just give in and accept that for now, your baby is your sleep dictator.
11. Cry – allow yourself the chance to cry, your hormones will be going crazy and sometimes you just need to let it all out in one big blub fest
12. Watch a TV series – allow yourself the chance to watch something you have wanted to watch for ages, you will have plenty of time in the middle of the night to do this whilst the baby is awake and it will keep you from nodding off
13. Wear the maternity jeans for as long as you want. No-one will know, no-one will care.