I’m currently watching ‘The Social Dilemma’ on Netflix and I highly recommend it. Yes a lot of us say that we spend ‘too much time’ on social media. But we can’t help ourselves can we. It is scary what is going on behind the scenes to keep us addicted to social media. As Tristan Harris, Former Design Ethicist at Google says…
“We are training and conditioning a whole new generation of people…that when we are uncomfortable or lonely or uncertain or afraid, we have a digital pacifier for ourselves that is kind of atrophying our own ability to deal with that.
We know the dopamine hit is big. Big enough to have us checking our phones just to see if something exciting has popped up in the last half hour since we last looked. Big enough to distract us from our true emotions, what is really going on in our bodies. We take these ‘digital pacifiers’ with us wherever we go. Afraid that we will miss something important after a loo trip (some of us even take it with us to the loo - don’t lie!).
So how can we use social media more mindfully?
Here are some tips…
1.Before you check your phone take a moment to pause and breathe. Notice your mood before you begin your scrolling session. Are you feeling a bit ‘meh’ and hoping for a mood boost? Yes the dopamine hit is real but sometimes we find things on social media that can actually bring us down…it could be photos of ‘perfectly’ polished role models we admire, it could be a photo of a friends gathering that excludes you, it could be a conversation on snapchat that you missed out on. There are many ways in which social media can bring us down. It is important to keep tuning into your breathing to remain grounded as you scroll.
2.Notice what your body is up to. Keep an eye on what your body is up to whilst you’re scrolling. Your body is your emotional gauge. It will give you early warning signals if stress is emerging…this could be your tummy flipping, arm pits sweating, shoulders tensing, jaw clenching, clammy hands, headaches and all manner of other signals. If stress is starting to manifest itself in the body try the STOP technique….
S - Stop what you’re doing - put your phone down (for a few minutes)
T - Take a few conscious breaths to ground yourself in the present moment
O - Observe all your thoughts, feelings and body sensations - acknowledge if you feel a bit low/frustrated
P - Proceed mindfully - when you feel like you have acknowledged everything that is happening in your body you are ready to return to the activity
3. Before posting something try pausing first. Tune into your breathing wherever you feel it most naturally…it could be in the tummy as it rises and falls or in the chest as your ribcage expands and contracts or in the nostrils. Just tune into it for a few breaths to ground yourself. Now consider what you’re hoping to gain from the post…a certain number of likes or positive emojis? Ask yourself how many likes or positive emojis will be enough to feel validated? The answer is it never feels like enough. Its not long before you’re reaching for your phone again for another dopamine hit. You get caught in this cycle of posting and checking, posting and checking etc. etc. If you decide to post something take a breath and consider going off to do something else for a while. Yes you posted for a virtual response but you don’t have to cling to your phone every second of the day waiting for it. If you go off and do something else (ideally something good for you like exercise, a bath or a healthy hobby) then you can check it later in a more grounded state with less anticipation or expectation attached to it. This can lessen the mood dip which may well come your way if you don’t achieve as much validation as you may have hoped.
4. Remember context - sometimes other people are busy looking at other things. And just because your post hasn’t achieved much attention doesn’t mean it isn’t good enough. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Resting your self-esteem on every like is a recipe for disaster…you’re setting yourself up for a fall. Try not to place too much weight on the response to your post.
5. Remember that you can create boundaries whenever you want to. You have the choice to unfollow anyone at any time. Don’t waste time following someone who brings you down. Some people like to come across as being playful or just ‘bantering’. Some don’t always realise quite how much they have hurt others, some are fully aware and are intentionally hurtful owing to frustration in their own lives. Just remember that you can choose to unfollow. You have a right to set boundaries just like anyone else.
6. Give yourself some screen free time before bed. I know, I sound like a parent but numerous studies have confirmed that screen time before bed can play havoc with your sleep patterns. The more shut eye you get the easier it will be to face school tomorrow.