People talk about present moment parenting but what does it involve? Simply put, it’s about spending quality time with your child where you are emotionally and mentally present, without a phone in your hand or another task up your sleeve.
I recently had the opportunity for full presence with my eight-year-old son when we had 1 on 1 time away from his sister. We had two hours together and I seized the opportunity to connect with him. He values 1 on 1 time and often seems lighter afterward and less snappy. I asked him what he wanted to do with our time as I looked down at his football card folder and cards spread out over the rug. He was in the middle of a sort-out. He loves taking them out and organising them by team. So I could already see where this was headed. He smiled at me and said, “Well…first can you help me to organise them?” I said yes and we worked as a team. I pulled out a card and named the team and he put it into the right pile. Our system continued and time seemed to fly by. In fact we spend the whole two hours sorting cards!
I had decided that day to dedicate that time to him wholeheartedly. Without putting on a wash or tidying up the kitchen or any other chore calling at me. This was pure time for him and this is how he wanted to spend it. Because I set an intention I didn’t feel any resistance within me. Would I have chosen to spend two hours sorting through football cards in my spare time? No. Do I have a natural interest in football? No. But he does. As Gabor Mate recommends, we need to get in our children’s faces as much as possible to strengthen the parent/child bond. So it is great to get involved in their interests where we can.
Do I do this often? Not as much as I feel I could. It is important to me to smile with him, have a laugh with him, and have fun with him. This is essential for the parent/child bond. So much time can be spent nitpicking because he didn’t pick up his laundry or he snapped at me because I made porridge and not weetabix, forgetting his preference had changed. We need to balance out the everyday boring life nagging with some fun.
So there I was, laughing with him over the amount of cards he has and why do they have to change their kit every season and other questions that showed I really cared. He LOVED it. It is amazing how people shine when you engage in their interests. I loved it too. Is there an activity that your child loves that you can share sometimes? Its worth trying it out because they get such a kick out of your presence. 100% time carved out for them. I highly recommend it.